Roadsterman – “A top is a toy…”

From Moss Motoring 1986

By Conrad Campos Jr.   Keizsr, Oregon

A top is a toy and a top is opposite of a bottom. There is the expression ‘to top someone’ and a description such as ‘Top Banana’. There is also the top that is a hood. I was lucky to find one in the boot (olde English) of my MGB, when I bought it. The red hood wasn’t in the best condition but then again it never rains in Southern California.

There is a code among roadster fanatics. The top does not go on unless it is pouring down rain. I am not talking mist here but monsoon, otherwise you might as well drive a Toyota. It may be ten degrees below or a hundred and ten above but the top stays off. It is permissible in a snow storm, something about Lucas electrics.

It was a rare storm that caught me on the L.A. freeway. Roadster people constantly scan the skies and are on the lookout for overpasses. By the time I found one, I was soaked. Roadster tops are not the easiest things to install. The sun was out by the time I had it on.

Tonneaus are great except when some pervert attacks it with a switchblade thinking you have the Crown Jewels under it. This can also be said for tops. Have you ever won­dered why BMC put locks on the doors? That’s so some sportscar deviate can abuse your hood with sword and can opener.

With rain being a rare event, the top deteriorated in the boot. Threads separated from the seams and the plastic windows turned a shade of yuck. I started carrying needles and thread in the glove compartment for those wet emergencies.

One day, as the wife and I were driving over San Marcos Pass, the Rains came. We were drenched by the time I pulled over and had the top on. The rain was still coming inside. Needle and thread and a few safety pins helped to keep the water down to a trickle. Back on the road again and the wind blew the top apart. The wife held the separated pieces together until we reached our destina­tion, then her arms promptly fell off.

Rain soon stops in California and I threw the top away and quickly forgot about bad weather. I was staying at a friend’s house, my MG parked behind his Spitfire. During the night, I was awakened by the horn from my MGB. I raced outside to discover that it was raining. *I disconnected the horn wires. I was drenched and my friend was laughing. He had put the top on his car. I found some plastic sheet in the garage and covered my soaked car. When I tried to fix the horn the next morning, I saw the horn button pop off to parts unknown.

I finally purchased a brand new top and it only comes out during monsoons. Now I just frantically wave my hands and dive in and out of traffic screaming ‘honk, honk’!!!